« Posts by Sabrina

May Day

05/01/2012 / posted in Surviving in UK / 3 Comments

又到了备考的阶段, 重要之下才会想到来写点东西.

原来整个三月四月blog都是空白. 所以是过得太开心?

到英国之后才知道, 原来很多人都可以和不喜欢的人像朋友一样说话.

这不是我们说的"虚伪"吗?

再想想, 和不喜欢的人划清界限好像已经是高中时候的事情了.

高中的时候如果有人嘴上说着看不惯谁平日却还是与他为友, 定会被人指责"虚伪".

慢慢的我也学会和不喜欢的人打交道.

果然, 人都会成为自己讨厌的人.

五月了, 敲下这几个字窗外竟来就传来噼里啪啦的雨声.

微博说这会是英国100年来最冷的五月.

我说这是为了给我们多一个时间减肥吧, 把阳光和长裙都留给六月.

不可思议, 竟然要期末考了.

在英国这一年过得比在德国时感觉要快更多.

welcome week, lectures, essays, xmas, exams, lectures, essays, easter, exams.

我要毕业了.

想起一年前的毕业季, 我好像没有变多少.

舍不得毕业舍不得大学同学的情绪都还没有离开就又要毕业了.

英国这一年制的研究生让我被推着走的感觉, 一直在走.

回头发现已经走了很远, 但是心思好像并没有跟上步伐.

所以, 我马上就不再是学生了?

还是会偶尔扮扮清纯撒撒娇, 希望时间停下某个时刻.

也终于开始担心工作家庭未来的事情.

我真的觉得心智没有跟上年龄, 还想有个人一直牵着我走下去.

所以其实我还是不会看地图, 还是会在地铁站找不到方向.

希望, 希望, 一切都好.

(敲下希望两个字的时候外面打雷了, 心里一阵紧张. 给英国比个中指, 睡觉去.)

123456

02/16/2012 / posted in murmuring / 2 Comments

1. deadline前两天终于开始写proposal, 渐渐意识到生活进入另一个阶段了, 总是这样后知后觉, 浪费不少时间.

2. 吉村下了两场雪, 雪中的Bath特别美. 三个人的旅途很愉快. 旅游算是找回自己的一部分.

3. 狠心买了airbook, 生活又变得更美好. 爸爸还是很宠我, 默默的告诉自己不能让爸妈失望.

4. 情人节过得很特别. 五星级酒店的下午茶, 真是受宠若惊. 坐在taxi里看伦敦街头的人群, 有种不真实的电影感.

5. 我总是幸运的那一个, 感激都压在心里, 不知道怎么说出来.

6. 一定要做更好的自己.

paradox

01/25/2012 / posted in murmuring / 4 Comments

i still remember the morning when i woke up and found everything about him was gone

no socks on the floor, no shoes behind the door, no t-shirts lying at the corner

“when i opened the door, and you were not there any more”

it was kinda shock at the beginning, then went to heartache, then went to tears

it was my way to say goodbye when i was the one to leave

but when i was the one who stayed, it was something i can’t stand

 

months later, i got an email from a friend, he ended up with “never be afraid to say goodbyes”

almost brought me to tears, i know i was never able to do that

 

 

they say when u grow up, u will learn how to pretect urself from getting hurt

actually it’s simply, u just don give that much then u won’t get hurt

but how can u say love when u’r holding back ur feelings?

it’s unreasonable.

 

it’s a paradox.

it’s called love.

3:38

01/19/2012 / posted in murmuring / 1 Comment

running out of cigarettes, so i drinked a little before i went to bed.

no worries please, i’m not addicted.

 

the exams are kinda pushing me too hard,

waking up everyday feeling exhausted.

guess i’ve been drinking coffee too much these days,

becuz i’m either too energetic or too tired..

 

i think i need something to cheer me up,

oh yes, i just bought new shoes,

but they’re not here yet..

 

feels great to talk to myself in the middle of the night..

relaxing, and real.

 

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if we can’t go back..

then.. let’s just stay where we are.

遗憾

01/17/2012 / posted in murmuring / 3 Comments

记得以前每次和爸妈逛街, 很多自己喜欢的东西总是被妈妈一票否决掉.

这个时候爸爸就会摸摸我的头说, 人生要留点遗憾才好, 知道吗?

在遗憾的情绪里, 我当然不懂, 为什么要留遗憾, 完美不是更美好?

 

长大之后虽然开始觉得爸爸的话有道理, 可还是很任性的买下所有喜爱的物品.

然后发现很多最后都被闲置一旁, 最后扔掉的时候甚至都不会觉得可惜.

 

现在和朋友们聊天时的话题总是离不开感情.

刚到英国的一个月很奇怪, 身边几乎所有女生朋友都在感情里挣扎.

每天都会听到各种抱怨, 无非是我很喜欢你, 你却不那么在乎我, 怎么办?

最后结论总是归结到: 因为没有完全得到过, 因为有遗憾.

 

得不到的才是最好的, 有遗憾的感情才会让自己越陷越深.

即使知道自己是在受伤害, 却还是想要坚持到”得到”的那一天.

不撞南墙不回头的年纪其实已经过去了, 我们嘴上说着要对自己更好,

可是还在坚持什么?

 

到现在朋友们的感情问题差不多都算解决掉了.

有放弃的, 但是会经常回忆在一起时的美好, 会说如果回到当初如何如何.

有得到的, 但是已然不像从前那般投入, 抱怨的点也慢慢变成琐碎的小事.

有妥协的, 认定了得不到才是最好, 那就让他最好吧.

 

我自认为总是很幸运, 遇到的人都待我很好.

遗憾的事情不多, 即便遇到, 也还是想要拼个筋疲力尽.

遗憾的总是更神秘, 放到感情里, 就应了那句歌词:

得不到的总是在骚动, 被偏爱的都有恃无恐.

 

人总是会变, 爱的人不同, 喜欢的品位不同, 遗憾的美丽却是永恒.

也许有一天我也会坦然的面对遗憾, 不争不抢, 不吵不闹, 把它当成美好细心保存.

 

 9

每次路过Ted Baker都要进去看一眼这条dress还在不在.

220镑的价格是我承受不起的, 试了一次, 感觉也是一种宠爱.

直到上周再进店里的时候, 发现视野范围内已然没有它了.

还是会觉得遗憾, 却也觉得, 好幸福.

one last cigarette

01/06/2012 / posted in murmuring / 5 Comments

again i took my very last cigarette and start to blog.

 

how things changed in the past 2 weeks really looks like a drama.

lost someone at some moment, found something at somewhere.

i hope the dark days have been left in the last year,

it’s time to do something on my own.

 

and 2012 is gonna be good, isn’t it?

photo

2 am again

12/30/2011 / posted in murmuring / No Comments

i guess it’s not a good thing to look at the old photos again and again.

i took my very last Marlboro and started to think my 2011.

 

in general, it was good. i had a perfect boyfriend and met lots of awesome guys.

can’t believe it’s gonna be 2012 soon. we talked about countdown at the new years eve at london 3 months ago, and the day after tomorrow i’ll actually be under the london eye, waiting for 2012, hoping it’s gonna be amazing.

 

sometimes i wonder what if all the things i keep with me have a memory, how will they tell me about my 2011.

my shoes will tell me where i’ve been, my glasses will tell me what i’ve seen.

 

let me think for a while.

 

Jan. 2011

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it’s all about struggling.

 

Feb. 2011

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it’s all about home.

 

Mar. 2011

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it’s all about friends.

 

Apr. 2011

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it’s all about love.

 

May. 2011

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it’s all about me.

 

Jun. 2011

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it’s all about doo.

 

Jul. 2011

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it’s all about youth.

 

Aug. 2011

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it’s all about the little island.

 

Sep. 2011

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it’s all about england.

 

Oct. 2011

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it’s all about having fun.

 

Nov. 2011

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it’s all about london.

 

Dec. 2011

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it’s all about Xmas..

 

Although Xmas turned out unexpected, still, let’s wish for 2012.

It’s all about YOU, you won’t leave me, will you？ :-)

Hello again November.

11/19/2011 / posted in Surviving in UK / 1 Comment

My November days used to be damp and depressing, felt like living in a world without sunshine.

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This November turns to be warm and romantic, although I spend lots of time struggling with essays in lib. Sometimes I wake up and realise that I’m in europe now, I think I should be thankful, to live under this blue sky.

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I met a few nice people, drank a lot, questioned myself all the time. Has everyone ever tried to find a way to avoid growing up or it’s just me?

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I thought it’s gonna be a tough year and so it is.

Live fully, love deeply.

May this year be …

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